And I said...

It rains when you cry. Do you remember that? Ask the dog. Ask the birds. Ask the trees. They know. Sometimes when it is bad there is thunder and lightening. The last time we met, before you were born, you were so excited. In only the way someone who is beginning a grand adventure can be. We laid it all out. It was to be the grandest adventure yet. You woke me up to be there for you. I winced when you told me the plan. It wasn’t that I thought it was a bad idea. I knew if anyone could do it, you could. I just couldn’t bear the thought of standing by silent and invisible as you wandered about the dark, empty universe, knocking your knees on ill placed furniture, freezing and alone, screaming at the stars. Do you remember the agreement we made? I said, how will you remember me after you’re born? And you said, butterflies? And I said, too cliché. How about the rain? And you said, just rain? And I said, no. It will rain when you’re sad. That is how you will remember me. And you said, sounds kind of dramatic. And as you turned and walked away, I said, and they will name you Jesse. After me.

Pretty in Pink

Dr. Willis: That’s a very interesting outfit you have on today, Jesse. Do you want to tell me about it?

Jesse: You like it? I am not sure this is my color.

Dr. Willis: No. You look great. Really. It’s just a little out of character and I want to be sure everything is ok.

Jesse: Yeah, yeah. I know. Don’t worry. I am not wearing this because it’s my new thing. I’m doing it for someone else.

Dr. Willis: Well, I’m not going to lie to you. I am dying to hear the story.

Jesse: You aren’t the only one.

Dr. Willis: So who are you doing this for?

Jesse: Steve Appleton.

Dr. Willis: Hm. And who is Steve Appleton?

Jesse: He’s a kid at school that no one likes.

Dr. Willis: Why don’t people like him?

Jesse: It started in grade school. He smelled bad and he was mean. I used to wonder which one came first: Did we not like him because he smelled bad and so then he became mean because no one liked him or was he mean and no one liked him and so we all talked about how bad he smelled because we didn’t like him. But every time I tried to be friends with him he ended up saying something mean or rude.

Dr. Willis: Ok so the kids didn’t like him because he was mean and maybe because he smelled bad too.

Jesse: Someone once showed me the house he lived in. It was dirty and old and run down. They said his mother was really really fat and she never left the house. I wondered what it was like to live in that house. I felt sorry for him.

Dr. Willis: Do you know for sure that those things are true?

Jesse: No, I guess not. But either way none of the kids liked him. No one really picked on him in grade school that I know of; they mostly just ignored him. He was way smaller than all the boys and girls. He was bad in sports and he was picked last for all the teams in gym and he wasn’t real smart either, so it just kind of seemed like he didn’t have anything he was good at. Because he was just kind of not there, no one noticed one day when he stopped smelling bad. By the time we got to junior high he didn’t have anything that made him stand out other than that he was always by himself.

Dr. Willis: But you do that so he wasn’t the only one.

Jesse: Yeah. But it’s different for me than it is for him.

Dr. Willis: How so?

Jesse: Well… people like me. Or they really want to like me … or they really want me to like them. I don’t know. Maybe they just feel sorry for me. Whatever. People don’t mess with me. Nobody likes Steve. They usually ignore him but sometimes they pick on him. He is bigger now but he is still pretty weak and he dresses real lame. People just don’t like Steve and it seems like he doesn’t like them either.

Dr. Willis: Have you asked him about that?

Jesse: No. I’ve thought about talking to him. But he isn’t really friendly. He won’t look me in the eyes. I don’t want to be his friend bad enough to deal with that.

Dr. Willis: That’s ok. So tell me what happened to Steve Appleton.

Jesse: Ok. Well. So last week, I found out that Steve wears girl’s underwear. Pink, silky, ruffled underwear.

Dr. Willis: Oh no.

Jesse: I know. I never hear anything about what goes on at Redwood Junior High and even I knew about it the same day someone figured it out. I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t even want to think about what the kids were gonna to do to him.

Dr. Willis: Poor kid.

Jesse: I know. It was mostly the boys who tortured him. I don’t even want to tell you about it. It was bad. I wanted to stick up for him but you just can’t do that. It will only make it worse. Not only is he the kid who wears girl’s underwear but he has to have someone protect him too.

Dr. Willis: Yeah I can see that.

Jesse: But I wanted to do something. I knew I couldn’t talk to him because he wasn’t going to believe anything I said. But I just wanted him to know he wasn’t alone.

Dr. Willis: That’s very nice, Jesse.

Jesse: So I was sitting in my room thinking about Steve and I remembered something my grandmother always says that I never really understand. “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” And all of a sudden I think I kind of knew what she meant. I knew saying something wasn’t going to help anything. I needed to do something.

Dr. Willis: So you wore a dress to school.

Jesse: Yeah. I wore a dress to school. I asked my mom if I could borrow a dress and I wore it to school.

Dr. Willis: And how did that idea go over with mom?

Jesse: She freaked out. Of course. But I told her that it was something I had to do and that everything would be ok. And she stared at me for a long time crying and then she helped me pick out a dress that looked good on me.

Dr. Willis: That is amazing, Jesse.

Jesse: I know. I couldn’t believe it.

Dr. Willis: So did this all happen today?

Jesse: No. I figured that if it was going to mean anything I'd have to do it for a little while so I've been wearing a dress every day since Tuesday.

Dr. Willis: And how’s it going?

Jesse: It’s going ok. I mean people freaked out. But no one said anything. That first day, everywhere I went, it was totally quiet. But no one was paying attention to Steve anymore, that’s for sure.

Dr. Willis: Did Steve see you?

Jesse: Everyone saw me. I was hard to miss. He didn’t say anything. I wondered if he thought I was making fun of him.

Dr. Willis: I guess that could have been possible.

Jesse: But I can’t do anything about that. What am I going to do? Walk up to him in a dress and say, “I am not making fun of you, Steve.”

Dr. Willis: Did your teachers say anything?

Jesse: No. I just walked around school like everything was totally normal and no one said anything. I think the school called my mom and whatever she said to them, they left me alone.

Dr. Willis: How long are you going to wear a dress to school?

Jesse: A couple of more days, I guess. I think that’s enough.

Dr. Willis: Well … I have say. Pink really is your color.

Jesse: Whatever.

Dr. Willis: I’m kind of serious.

Jesse: Thanks.