Amazing Alexia and Those Bratty Girls

I am looking at her. She is talking to me and I am looking at her and I don’t know what is going on. Why is she talking to me? She does not like me. Wendy does not like me and none of her friends like me. They are a group and they don’t like me.

I don’t know why they don’t like me. I know I have done nothing. I am quiet and shy and don’t really play with them so there is no way I have done anything that would make them mad. But they don’t like me.

Wendy is one of them but she is standing here talking to me like we are friends, which we are not. And I am confused and don’t know what to say or how to act. She is talking about those girls. She is saying very bad things about those girls. Calling them names and telling me she is in a fight with them and she doesn’t like them anymore.

I am wondering if I might have a friend now. Because I am alone. We are on a weekend field trip for the entire school and I am standing here alone because I have no friends. I have been pretending to be fascinated by all the historical sites all day. We are visiting a “cottage” that was built by a man who found a lot of gold during the gold rush. It is enormous; bigger than any house I have ever seen and I think it is funny that it was his “cottage.” I have been wandering around paying close attention to everything so it looks like I am happy having time alone to learn about these historical facts that are so interesting.

We are standing in a huge empty swimming pool in what was this man’s back yard and Wendy is asking me what I think of those girls. And I am scared because I don’t know what I think of them but I know that I don’t know why they are mad at me and I think it is mean to be mad at someone for no reason and to ignore someone and not let someone play with you for no reason.

So I say that I don’t know why they are mad at me and that makes me mad and it makes me not like them. She asks me if I think this or that about them and I say yes, I guess so.

Then she says she will be right back because she has to go tell them how mad she is at them. And I watch her walk over to those girls and start yelling at them and waving her hands around like she is angry at them. And it occurs to me that she looks fake doing it. That she is pretend fighting with them. Because she is. They are playing a game. 

She is coming over to me and telling me she is fighting with those girls and she is not. She is just trying to get me to say bad stuff about them so that she can go back and tell them what I have said.

Right now she is pretending to yell at them but what she is probably saying to them is all the things I have just said to her about those girls.

I don’t understand this. There is a level of not liking someone where you decide, I don’t like her. And this can be for any reason or none. It is just how things are. Maybe she is annoying or you don’t like to play the same things.

Then there is another level above that where a group of girls gets together and decides they don’t like one girl. This level should require that some thing happened. Maybe she stole one of the girls’ best friends. Or maybe she said bad things about one of the girls behind her back. Or got one of the girls in trouble. But I think there should be something bad that happened for a whole group of girls to decide that they will not play with another girl and they won’t be nice to her.

And then there is a level where the girls get together and make a plan that involves lying and acting and planning and all sorts of weird stuff so that they can catch the girl doing something bad. To do something like this, it seems like you would really have to hate the girl. Like she killed your cat or stole something from you or beat you up.

She walks back and starts talking about those girls again and how horrible they are. I nod and don’t say much because I know what she is doing and I am just standing back and waiting to see what happens.

I pretend to be amused and satisfied with myself for having caught on to this game so quickly. I feel better about myself because I am smart and they have not tricked me.

We are together most of the day and she keeps making up weirder and weirder reasons to go talk to those girls and at a certain point I am starting to become annoyed that they think I am so stupid that I don’t know what they are doing. I wish it would all be over so I didn’t have to pretend anymore and be around this person who is trying to get me to say bad things.

She goes away again and now I am being called by my teacher. He is standing with her under a grove of giant trees and they are looking concerned. He tells me that Wendy has told him about all of the mean things I have said about those girls.

I am looking at him and I feel a darkness spreading through my body. It is anger but it is defeat. I tell him that I knew what Wendy was doing all day. I tell him that it was obvious to me and I tell him how she acted all day and that she and those girls had planned this whole thing to get me in trouble. That I had done nothing to them and that I said very little about those girls and had just agreed with Wendy because I was playing along with their game. And shouldn’t they all get in trouble for doing something so mean to me even though I have never done anything to them.

He looks confused and concerned and he says nothing. He asks us to think about what has happened.

I overheard my mom say that she thought those girls were brats. And so I am telling myself that they are mean and I have done nothing wrong. But what is it about me that makes them hate me so much? I wonder if there is something about the way I am that is just really annoying or bad. Or else why would they put so much effort into being mean to me.